In a moment of vulnerability:

If I'm completely honest, I would say that I really do want to find someone with whom to fall in love. Or, more to the point, someone who has the capacity to love me back--I love easily after all. I find that I have a complicated relationship with honesty though--it's about my introversion, my fear of driving people off with the intensity with which I feel/think. *laugh* I am rarely tepid. *shrug* I have lived a medley of experiences which deepen me, deepen my understanding of the world--many people find themselves overwhelmed by the weight of it. Hell, I'm sometimes overwhelmed by it's complexity. So, I shy away from being completely honest--I edit, restrict access--basically out of fear that people will think I'm irreparably broken or tainted in some way or call me victim. I'm constantly wobbling between a kind of contradiction, exposure and shield. However, I see my life as a process in which the major aspiration is to build relationships with ever increasing intimacy. I need mutual trust and openness like I need few other things. It must be tangible; I must feel it in how I am touched, held. I want to feel it pulsate through my body with a deepening thrum.

I imagine myself lying next to you, our bodies meeting at torso, hip, thigh, my eyes closed while your voice washes over me and I am silent, receptive, floating. Why this image and not another, I don't honestly know. You say friend but I still don't really know what that means. I want to tempt you into my circle. *laugh* In general, I find myself invested in allowing other people to define the boundaries of my relationship to them. I do my best to ask for nothing someone is unwilling to give. I want connection without compulsion. I want people to express their true selves in my company--not who they think I want them to be. In other words, you can decide what you have to give and I'll accept it for the gift that it is.